An experience if nothing else.

Rd 22 v Adelaide

So that’s the end for a club champ in Brad Green and the 100^th game for ‘Chip’ Frawley, cemented in AFL history as a ‘ spirited first quarter eventual 69 point loss.’

First things second though, what’s with the 4:40 Sunday timeslot? I understand that it works well from a television programming perspective, the problem with that is that we fans are not a television program. I’m someone that would rather spend my Sunday than Sunnight watching the footy. Maybe it’s something I’m just gonna have to accept and I only find it weird and annoying because it’s relatively new. My main issue with it, I think, lies in tradition. The fact that Sunday nights are generally a time to reflect on all the games played and the newly adjusted ladder, not a time spent waiting for some cyst of a game to finish 12 hours before your next shift. I was going to say that I had a problem with how it dampens the atmosphere of a game as well, but then realised there isn’t much to dampen at a Demons home game to begin with. However, credit to us last night, we showed a bit of fire in the belly when getting stuck into the umpires, I’d say they cost us about 70 points in the end.

Brad Green, all I can say is thank you for sticking with the club so proudly in all your time there. After kicking two early goals I was screaming at the box to re-sign you. Missing two simple shots in the second I acquiesced your decision to resign too.

It was quite the game for milestones. Green. Frawley. And of course we welcomed ex-Dees coach Dean Bailey back to the MCG as an assistant to the Crows. No doubt he was merrily muttering “8 ½ wins, 8 ½” to anyone streaked in Red and Blue.

(For those unaware, the Dees won 8 ½ games last year and will most likely finish with 4 in 2012).
But as Mark Neeld pointed out and has done for about the last 7 weeks running, it’s a lot about ‘experience’. Which is true. Mark’s got a lot of experience because he’s become so experienced at using the word experience that even experienced journo’s would be having trouble squeezing a word like…experience into yet another column.

Taylor Walker: foxsport.com.au

And how about the experience of checking out Taylor Walker’s Mullét in all it’s glory. I did read somewhere last week that he and ex-team mate Ivan Maric have a bet that whoever chops the crop first has to name their firstborn after the other. Taylor must be an idiot; Ivan has much less to lose naming his child Taylor. Imagine Walkers kid (Ivan) going to school:

“Are you of Croatian decent?”
”No, my dad’s a fool.”

And of course we can only hope that if Walker loses his firstborn is a boy. Again, Ivan would have no trouble naming a daughter Taylor, on the other hand however…well, he’s an idiot.

Ivan Maric: perthnow.com.au

I think the game on the weekend was summed up delightfully in the calamitous 3^rd quarter by my good mate Sugs, who, whilst not claiming to be a literary deity, quipped:

“When Hawthorn handpass, they handpass out of trouble.”

A simple contrast in styles? Perhaps.

Go Dees.

South of the border.

Rd 21 v GWS

Apparently it was freezing in Canberra on Saturday. This came as a massive relief to me to know that somewhere else in Australia is bitterly cold this winter. It chills me to the bone to hear news of my girlfriend’s sister swanning about in a casual 27° at her Noosa home. What a nerve.

This game went down as our first away win in over a year. As you may well know I like to find a life comparison to games each week and this one made me think of helping young relatives with their primary school fractions homework. You should be able to do it easily but just can’t (Melbourne should have won easily, but they just couldn’t), I mean what’s with fractions anyway!? It just goes to show that when your maths teacher tells you you’ll need maths later in life they weren’t lying. What they didn’t specify is that the only reason you’ll need it is to help primary school kids with their maths homework! After a while you mistake your way to the right answer and are left with what can only amount to a hollow happiness. I understand that it was extremely windy up at Manuka on the weekend but gee-wizz did the Dees make that win hard to come by! (Channelling a bit of retro language there, hopefully at least one person reading this appreciates that).

So it was satisfying to get the win if not a bit tainted for two reasons:

The first we’ve covered above already.
The second because the AFL lost a major scalp in their crusade to inject multi-cultural players into the sport. Many had come to believe that the Melbourne Footy Club was the first proud team to have a little bit of salsa in their squad. However, after a year or so I can safely say our sly game is up. Our season unravelled long ago and now, so to has our fajita styled falsity.

FACT: Lynden Dunn is not Mexican.

Source:demonwiki.org, http://www.afl.com.au

There. The statement has been made and the dirty sanchez is forever wiped from the face of both him and the MFC.

Source:http://www.afl.com.au

In saying this, we have replaced our Mexican influence with something entirely more…well, prehistoric. Luke Tapscott is proudly displaying his Neanderthal origins by encouraging his hair to grow whilst wildly ignoring it. The picture on the left is unfortunately not great quality and doesn't do justice to the manic behaviour of his wind-smashed hairstyle.
Maybe he’s trialing the ‘I won’t wash my hair for three months and the natural oils will keep it clean forever’ approach. Although I’m not sure that’s why cavemen avoided hair-care. A lack of product is probably closer to the mark.

Scully came in for some cheerful boos, a regular feature from now on I’m sure. I don’t know how he does it. He’s only on $6 million and has to put up with a few thousand people booing him a maximum of twice a year for two hours at a time. Poor guy. We must be making his life a living hell at this rate. On the flipside it was again nice to see Junior McDonald have an impact on the game and receive his English Cricket styled light–clapping from Dees fans. I miss him.

Brad Green edges one game closer to the end and next week is his farewell game in front of a home crowd. Can’t encourage supporters enough to get along. This is a guy who played in a Grand Final in his first year and is finishing his last in a team only better placed on the ladder than two franchises with three years experience between them. Ouch.

Go Dees.

Required: 1 x War Chest

Rd 20 v St Kilda

Another round down, another round closer to September, but also to the end of Brad Green’s career, having last Wednesday announced his retirement at season’s end. What wonderful timing considering two days earlier I had a dig at his over-the-top goal celebrations from the previous game. Now I realise that he was savouring every last moment at the end of a proud career he knew was coming to a close. Thanks Brad, makes me feel great.

For those who are interested observers in the Green retirement discussion, this is an interesting article from The Age that argues now is not the time for him to go:
http://www.theage.com.au/afl/afl-news/demon-loyalty-goes-to-hell-20120808-23umq.html

And from a man at the end of his career (unless GWS waves the cheque book), to one at the beginning in Sam Blease. Five goals if you don’t mind, he’s kicking as well as he’s post-match interviewing, using the phrase “cracked in and had a crack” twice in the space of a few minutes. His five on the weekend put him second on the Demons goal-scoring list, 12 goals behind Mitch Clark. Yes that Mitch Clark who got injured at half time in round 13 meaning he hasn’t played the last 7 ½ games. A dire stat considering Sammy isn’t quite who you’d expect to be leading the goal scoring for fit players. No wonder our president Don McClardy has kicked off 100% Melbourne, asking supporters to dig deep so we can help “recruit the best”:

“We are building a war chest, and we need the support of our members to take full advantage of the opportunities upon us for the 2012 trade period,”[1]

source: melbournefc.com.au

I’m going to make the radical suggestion that we don’t build this war chest to buy players, let’s build it to buy games! Apparently we’re tankers already so we’ve got runs on the board in terms of match fixing. As for disgruntled opposition fans who feel cheated, well, buy them off too. And we’ll be able to afford it. Let’s not forget who the bulk of Melbourne FC members are. When Don McClardy uses the term ‘war chest’, he’s not talking about a couple of million dollars, he’s talking amounts similar to that of a small nations GDP.

Conversely, I can only wonder what an idea like 100% Melbourne must seem like for those 11 Melbourne players who’ve had contract negotiations put on hold until mid-October, smack bang in the middle of the new three week trading period (three weeks due to free agency).

To finish I’m going to leave you with a stat that I discovered from the weekend’s round. I have often wondered what it would be like to be a stats guru, someone that collates and dismembers a game’s numerical gene pool until there’s nothing human about the outcome. I now know that it’s one of the more boring things one can do in life. Granted I’ve never been gifted with numbers but the following shows the extent to which that is true:

• Only one game in the round saw both teams score sub-100 points.

That’s it. Genuinely that’s as far as I got.

Go Dees.

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[1] http://www.melbournefc.com.au

It's colouring time.

Rd 19 v Gold Coast

There are some classic signs to look for on gameday at the MCG that let you know who Melbourne’s playing. If you arrive and the only colours you see are black and white with a splash of red and blue suffocating somewhere in the corner you know it’s the pies. If there are lots of dees fans  wearing easy-to-remove smiles, we’re playing someone like the Bulldogs who we think we can beat. On the weekend the tell tale signs were the closed bars, the food outlets only half open and no lines for the women's at half time. (There are perks to being a female Dees fan). All of these pointed to one thing, it’s an interstater! 

I do hate to have to bring up attendances again but the sub 20,000 crowd figure hurts. I know we’re not so great, which means not good, which means often terrible, but you’ve gotta stick with them. Think of how the Melbourne bandwagon is going to fair once we start winning again. If we all jump back on at once it’ll be like an Ian Thorpe comeback, all the parts are there but covered in rust! That's OHS 101. But you’re right, that’s a bridge far away.

Sunday’s game made me remember back to a time when twelve year olds would enter colouring competitions designed for grade twos and threes. Adopting a pseudonym and a false age to match was the norm. Even if you’re colour choice was junk you’d sneak a win just for keeping it between the lines. It’s how I felt about our win on the weekend. Melbourne were good but we can’t parade the streets crowing on about some juicy win. What I saw was a pre-teen with good texta technique winning over a small child who enjoyed chewing the crayon as much as colouring with it. Don’t get me incorrect, Melbourne looked very good in parts but there were plenty of times when I could only imagine what a top 6 side would have done when met with our sloppiness. That sounds dirty. It shouldn’t.

heraldsun.com.au

So we take the points and Brad Green kicks five in a Grand Final nailbiter, or so his celebrations would suggest. No. Hey. Come on. He’s a great competitor who’s had a very unlucky run this year and it’s great to see he’s still got passion for the club no matter how down we’ve been. Great game Greeny. 

Other points of interest were Jeremy Howe maintaining his high altitude training throughout the season proper. Why isn’t this man concurrently entertaining a high jump career? I wouldn’t be surprised to see him soar over the bar vertically.

Due to the small crowd figure and reduced size food outlet I didn’t get a second hotdog. At least my wallet was happy. In addition to this, never has the red V on my demons guernsey been more greatly appreciated than when my first hotdog dribbled some saucy sauce down my front. I’m now in the market for a bib.

So not long left in a season that, at least externally, has shown little progress. Here’s hoping the last few games present themselves in much the same manner this one did. Any points are good points at this stage.

For the record, I won a pencil case using the name Jason.

Go Dees.